This morning, it just hurts.

Image by seiuhealthcare775nw via FlickrSo much was easy when I was young, even medical care, and I was thoroughly unaware. I get it now though. Especially, dealing with my teeth.

This morning I woke up with a swollen mouth. It's a tooth I tried to have pulled at a low-cost clinic a while back. For 45 minutes and forty dollars, they pulled, only to tell me in the end that I'd need an oral surgeon.  That means it stays, and I wait. But, for what?

For our family, it's become a waiting game. How long till the insurance? Just a few more hours and we qualify. We just have to make it a month or six. The jobs just have to be there, and they haven't been steady as any ironworker will tell you.   If you read my blog, then you know we have an autistic child.

Some of the political rhetoric has been pretty strong; war on the middle class, the plan is to die sooner, and on and on. They are strong words, but I get what those words mean at this moment. We did what we were supposed to over the years. We worked, and then one day, insurance was hard to get. It just wasn't there. We even did a tour in Iraq or two, to get it temporarily. We live in a city where I could walk to a dentist without breaking a sweat on a July day. If I could afford one. Even on insurance, I can't afford it, since most is fifty percent coverage. For me, that left $8000.00 on the bill. We can't. We just can't. When things get this bad, you feel like it's a war. It's as desperate as battle, and sometimes, like now, it feels like life and death. It is life and death. A tooth can kill you eventually.

I could write about how it's fiscally damaging to not provide health care for those on the poor end of the spectrum who are important to the workforce. I could tell you all about how when I am gone, when my husband is gone, we don't know where D will end up. I could wax eloquent on the subject of biblical truth and the qualities of mercy not being strained, but not this morning. Because this morning, it just hurts.

And I wish it would stop. It hurts that something as stupid as an infected tooth could kill me living in America, that living in these modern times nothing has really changed. I feel like a failure, and my jaw is sore. I'm tired and in pain. This probably just sounds like angst to your average boot-straps kinda guy, but life can't get more discouraging than this. Just. . . if you have it, be thankful for it.