Autism and the single mother, or what the hell was I thinking?

Image via WikipediaAutism makes things mixed up and not make sense, except in the most literal or basic way. Moving away from our friends, leaving our home, and moving on from the family we've all known wasn't ever going to be easy. It's also not like I have a choice. I just didn't expect it to be this hard.

Still, as I wrestled my child in a strange Wal-mart yesterday, I realized what we'd left behind, namely, a community that already knew my child. When D had a public meltdown in Indy, people knew us, and I could even tell you that they just ignored it for the most part, in some situations. Plus, the big towns just have more autism.

Not so here in Podunk, Missouri. The backwater towns are getting a culture immersion from our family. Autism just moved to town, and I do mean that literally. We're the only ones. Like Tigger, but less fun. I have to break in a whole new life and manage my son's fragile happiness.

The divorce statistics for couples with autistic children have always blown me away, and I can't say I wasn't warned. 85% of couples seek a divorce, and growing evidence suggests the ones who stay together may be thinking economically. With this growing number of single mothers (and Dads) managing autism, how are people missing this? How are there still places where people don't know how hard autism can be? Autism awareness has a long way to go.

God knows, we're doing our part. Look out, Podunk. You ain't seen nothing yet.

Related articles

• We MUST Do Better: Autism, Tragedy, and Transition to Adulthood (squidalicious.com)
• Understanding Autism Spectrum Disorders (everydayhealth.com)
• What Is Autism? (everydayhealth.com)

What a Difference a Move Makes?

So, it's been a while. . .

Since last we talked, I've experienced multiple life changes, but the strangest one was to leave Indianapolis for , literal, greener pastures. We have returned to small, town USA in Missouri.

 First thing I noticed?

Special education here is run from the state. Now, I'm not saying it goes fast; but, already, I see a change in quality of service. Placement decisions must be justified in writing. They are made at the state DOE. Placement is by the numbers. Sure, that could become negative in a borderline situation, where you have a child who seems very abled needing more supports or a parent who really wants inclusion education with a more severe child. I can't be sure what that will look like over time, but the system I see is as well regulated as any I've ever seen.

Other thing I've noticed?

I haven't seen a single Bill or Tim here. Not one. Oh, the bliss.

There are no overpaid, power hungry directors of special education in my life at all! Just one nice lady who fills out applications and helps us work with the state and write an IEP. One nice lady. My heart just skipped a beat.

Do you know what a relief that is? Our lives, literally, felt embattled and under seige. We felt disenfranchised and disconnected from society by our son's disability. Now, I feel like all the other moms. I don't have to march on a school board or storm the state house. I can focus on what my kids need and what I want to do with myself.

The best advice I can give to parents in Indiana is MOVE...now.

Who's the bridge?

Image via WikipediaWe had an interesting teaching moment this week. My son and I went out to play in the neighborhood. My usual routine is to stand back and let him go when possible and watch closely. As has happened often, this time intervention was required.

Some boys started mockingly saying he "looked like Justin Beiber". I think we should conclude that was a bad thing. Not that I have an opinion.  My m.o. is always to avoid the sins through education. As I walked across the playground thinking "welcome to school, boys", they looked a little apprehensive. I may have a reputation that precedes.

What followed was a twenty minute autism Q &A with four of the cutest ten-year-olds on the block, and an incredible interaction for my son. We talked about sign language and why my son can be "creepy" when he stares. We exchanged information, and, at the end, they wanted to go try their new sign language on him and say hi. He said hi back.

Just like that, a potential bully situation became a seminar in autism. D bounced off the playground feeling included, and, with any luck, four young men developed a special view of the disabled.

Autism awareness flows from our willingness to get over ourselves as parents. We have to see our child as the world sees him in order to interpret for him. That isn't easy. I suspect it isn't meant to be.

We are the bridge, which means we have to connect to the other side. D can be creepy if you don't know him, and when he screams and yells, it wakes the dead and makes young hearts tremble. I have to accept these things before I can help anyone else connect with him. If I get all momma bear when someone finds him creepy, I'm already defensive and ineffectual. But if I reach out with information, I'm a teacher, an ambassador.  That's not D's job. It's mine. I'm the Bridge.

Related articles

• A Look Into American Sign Language (socyberty.com)

Big changes at RISE!

Rise Special Services, that was, has become the Southside Services of Marion County and is apparently going to be under new leadership as of June 30th. Bill Dreibilbis, who has run the program for nearly a decade, has resigned his post.

Parents are hopeful on the announcement. As Rise, the school district faced multiple law suits, many state complaints, and much resistance from parents frustrated by the seemingly underhanded process of writing IEPs. Combined with the interlocal changeover, parents hope this signals a change in the way of doing business at SSSMC.

The Homeschool Adventure Begins

Image via WikipediaWell, it is finished. My husband and I have decided to pull our son out of Perry Township schools and teach him at home. There is a rumor of a Franklin Township group of parents, sick of the RISE Special Services failure, who are working on the starting phases of a charter school for our students. Anyone who knows this group, I'd love to get in touch and talk to them about the idea. This blog will continue as long as I continue to volunteer my time with families still in the system. It's our hope to move and find a program that works for Darrel.
If our homeschool experiment is successful, I may begin to blog about what we learn about that as well.